Big Mountain

October - 8 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill
big fear

Thank you Lord that i managed a second day of cutting back on my exercise in order to spend time with you. I honestly didn’t think i could do, but with your strength i did, and managed to get a tiny bit closer to you which is what i desperately need right now. Work was  [ Read More ]

Beautiful Bec

October - 7 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

I’d forgotten how much I missed you Bec; I’d forgotten how badly I need your support! I met up with my dietician today who I haven’t seen in a very long time. I was seeing her for over 6 years during the course of my illness and I when she moved away I stopped being  [ Read More ]

Time With Him

October - 6 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill
time with him

I really keep feeling the need to pull back and spend a lot more time with God at the moment. If I was to be totally honest with myself, which I will be, if would have to say that I don’t have a relationship with him at all right now. I’m just so stuck in  [ Read More ]

Dare To Dream

October - 4 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill
dare to dream

My nephew said to me tonight, “imagine what your life will be like when you get better, imagine all the fun we will have and all the things you can do again”. I tried to imagine it and it literally felt like a dream that wasn’t ever really going to come to life, while living  [ Read More ]


October - 2 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

Moving forward is just so hard. This life, this anorexic life, feels like its all  i have ever known and it’s just to scary to let it go. I don’t know who i am without it and what  i will do without it. The fear keeps me stuck and Anna keeps me blinded.


September - 30 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

It’s like I’m waiting for the day that challenging Anna won’t be scary. I think that if I just wait long enough then a day will come that I will just be able to say no to Anna and it will be easy. I’m kidding myself, I know I am, and yet I keep on  [ Read More ]

Not On My Own

September - 29 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

This has been a productive week for me this week. I have arranged to see a new dietician, a new psychologist, organised to see my previous dietician and have seen my Doctor to get her help on things. These are things I have been putting off for a long time because I just believed I  [ Read More ]

Gym Woes

September - 27 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill
gym junkie

I have not been to the gym in a week!! When I say that, I don’t mean that I haven’t exercised, because I definitely still have been a lot, but it has not been at the gym and it hasn’t been as driven or as hardcore as what I was doing when I was in  [ Read More ]

A Stable Weight Does Not Equal Stability

September - 26 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

I had an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday to let her know that I haven’t been doing so well lately and what she said to me was really quite disturbing. She weighed me, looked at the scales and said, “Well your weight is stable so you seem ok compared to the last time I  [ Read More ]

Despising Exercise

September - 25 - 2015
Posted by Jo Cotterill

So I woke up this morning and knew I had to get up to exercise like I always do in order to keep anorexia happy and off my back, but this morning I really, really did not want to. I absolutely hated exercising this morning. Every step was like torture to me and I just  [ Read More ]